A long haul

So I know it has been awhile since I last posted. A mix of not knowing what to write, being busy and being sort of antisocial (I have also been mildly avoiding Facebook and Myspace and not reading other people's blogs). So here is my much belated update.

So, the good news is, I made the Dean's List again. Woohoo. =)

But, after the semester ended, things kind of fell apart. Not having class to distract my mind really led to an increase in PTSD symptoms (nightmares, body memories, etc). Not fun. All the thoughts and images fill me up so much that there is no more room for anything else. At least, that is what it feels like to me. So I didn't feel like that I could handle having any food in my system. That's still how it still feels sometimes. =(

Sooooo, since not eating + school doesn't have a very good solution, I took a brief 1.5 week hiatus at the luxurious lounge and spa at the lovely SP. Lol. Where the hot food is cold, the cold food is melted and 'toast' means stale, soggy, white bread.

It was kind of awkward for me there. I felt out of place, but that was a good thing, I suppose. Unless you are being told by patients that you look great and you don't look like you have an ED. No, but seriously, I had several staff members comment on how I was in such a different place, how my affect was just brighter in general. They all seemed really happy to see how much progress I have made within the past year or so. Even though it sucked being there and it was definitely hard/triggering, I think it was what I needed. The ED groups were dumb (in comparison to the IOP groups, which I love), but I did get some useful information from the trauma groups and from talking to the doctor and individual therapist I had there.

And I told my mom about the assault. It was really scary, but she took it really well. If that was the only thing I got out of the program, it was worth it. I love my mom so much, but having a mediator was what I needed for that situation.

But I am back. Yay. I know this is only the beginning, but I know that God will lead me through all of this.

Oh. And I am pissed at my computer. I don't know what the heck is up with it, but Windows XP doesn't want to start...I think it's a system registry problem. So all that shows up when I get on my computer is my desktop background. And I have no idea how to fix it lol. Basically, Windows won't load when I log on. So I am stuck using Windows Manager to open up and run what I need. What a pain.