NG tubes really suck

Yeah, I might end up deleting this pretty soon, it is speaking of things too personal. But if you read/watch this could you please just say something even if its just 'hey that was good info' or 'ok, yeah delete this i dont want to see this stuff' Because when I post stuff like this and I see people are visiting my site but nobody says a word, I start thinking that they are just looking at this and thinking 'Wow what a weirdo/freak. Note to self...never speak to this person again...run away now.'



This is not a diet.
This is not a good way to drop a few pounds before prom or your vacation or your big date.
This is not a lifestyle.
This is not fun.
This is not glamourous.
This is not my way of sticking it to The Man.
This is not a game. It will screw with your life.
This is not something that can be given up easily.
This is not a way to boost your popularity.
This is not a way to make your peers envy you.
This does not make you strong.
This does not make you special.
This won't give you control.
This won't make you beautiful.
This does not go away when you hit XX pounds.
This does not bring you happiness.
This does not bring you positive attention.
This does not fullfill your every dream.
This does not define you.
This isn't fun when you can't walk straight.
This is not fun when you realize you've lost control and can't find yourself anymore.
This is not fun when your bruised from head to toe from falling over every day, day after day.
This is not a sickness that can be meassured in amounts of pounds lost, percentages underweight, or BMI's, but it's in the mind.
This is not cool.
This is not something you choose.
This is not something to be proud of .
This is not something you learn to do.
This is not "just a phase".
This is not about a cookie.
This is not even about 10 cookies.
This is not a pretty font or a website.
This is not a "new" thing.
This is not who I am.
This is not a trend.
This is not something I just "got", like a virus.
This is not the answer.
This is not funny.
This is not something you can control.
This isn't who you want to be.
This isn't fun when you're preoccupied with numbers.
This won't make you look like a model.
This will not make you love yourself.
This is not ever under your control.
This is not a game.
This is not satisfying.
This is not something I wake up and just decide to become.
This did not come out of nowhere.
This is not socially acceptable.
This isn't normal.
This is not some "quick fix", it'll stay with you forever.
This is not some club.
This isn't something you aspire to be.
This is not easy.
This will not make you feel good about yourself.
This is not something you do for someone else.
This is not something you ask for tips to learn.
This is not fair.
This is not a way to live, it's a way to die.

As far as control; When you can eat what you like whenever you like, thats being in control. When you can consciously choose between a salad and cheeseburger without having to do the math in your head of how many miles you'd have to run to burn off each --Then you have control.

But this IS something that there is an end to...if you choose.

Edit:
Yeah, just wanted to put reasoning behind this post. It's not something I like talking about, especially because I don't have all the anwers and I don't have everything figured out and heck I don't talk about it because I have gotten my share of weirded-out looks and 'why don't you just eat a cheeseburger' comments. It's not something I take lightly (you should see me freak out on my friends who start having bad eating habits. not a pretty sight). It is something that was really real to me for a long time. There was a time when I had so much in common with those girls. I still have some things in common. Just watching that stuff bring up a lot of thoughts and feelings.

I have seen others go through this and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't have some people close to me that I am terrified are going to die because of this. Its so easy to think that losing a few pounds or doing whatever to look better, or WHATEVER, is going to make things better. It doesn't. If I can help one person not go through this, then I will say this over and over for as long as it takes.

People see this stuff on the news and think 'wow I want to look like this.' or 'i'll be more sucessful or people will respect me if I look this way.' It's not true. I mean, who do you admire most in life? Why? Is it because of what they weigh or what they look like? No, it's because of other things like their kindness, honesty, courage, morality, etc.

And this disease doesn't happen overnight. And it can't be fixed overnight. In fact...it can't be "fixed." It's like you wake up one morning and you don't know how things will ever be normal again, whatever normal is.