Totally ruined my day...

Geez, the past week has been pretty crappy; and yesterday was actually good until this girl at work made a comment. I know she didn't mean anything by it; but my ED voice was pretty loud afterwards.

So Saturday is one of the pharmacist's birthdays; and we had a mini party on Monday for her. Which was great, but I was only there for a few minutes though b/c I wasn't working that day. But we've had plenty of leftovers around. It's been going well so far; one of the other girls, Lauren, I totally love...when I am working with her we can take bits of leftovers and I don't feel too bad.

I bet you can see where this is going now...

Well Lauren made a cake (death by chocolate!). Which looked amazing. But the thing is; I don't eat cake. I mean I had it on the unit and I had a small piece at my birthday, and when I am with Megan (my BFF ♥), I can do it fine. But in general that is too much of a fear food for me right now. =\

I really am trying though. I haven't been weighing myself every day; I kind of messed up my record a couple times (a week and a half)...but still, thats good for me. And Dr. H and I are still planning on chucking my scale off a building (it is currently awaiting execution in her closet). =D

Anywaysssss, back to my story. So yesterday it was pretty slow in the afternoon and the girl I was working with that day had gotten a piece of the cake. And I really wanted a piece (hard to admit; I would rather say I don't like cake...or chocolate for that matter). So after debating with myself, I had a small piece. It was chocolate with chocolate chips in it. It was soooooo good, especially since I hadn't had much of any dessert, let along something chocolate in awhile. I was able to tell myself, "Well you work till 9 and you get low blood sugar; you are going to be standing up all night, you need to be able to pay attention, so its not too bad...etc, etc."

Ok, so fast-forward to 7:30 8ish. It got really slow again. She had another piece and I said something to the effect of, "Yeah that was so good, I am thinking I might want to copy you and get a little more." And she had said that I had a really small piece, and blah blah blah and that I shouldn't feel guilty. So I took another small piece...A little later the pharmacist was asking me if I liked the cake and the girl says right away, "Yeah, she had 2 pieces!" And just a little earlier we had been talking about dinner and what we were having when we got home (I don't much like eating at work, I feel kind of rushed and I don't particularly like eating in front of others); so the girl said "Yeah I had my dinner, I picked cake over dinner."

Augh, I mean this shouldn't bother me, right? I mean whatever, people talk about diets and stuff all the time, especially at my work.

Maybe I was just upset partly cuz I forgot to take my meds that day. Anyways that kind of screwed up my night. I had been kind of looking forward to having leftover Indian food last night when I got home. I had a hard time even getting myself to have dinner at all. I ended up having something safe and then just going to bed to avoid the feelings.

I mean like I said, I know she didn't mean anything by it and its not like I am mad or upset with her at all; I'm just upset with me. The whole body image crap has been arghhhhh for me lately.

But on the bright side, I just finished the leftovers for lunch today. And it was very yummy, thankyouverymuch. So take that ED! =p