NG tubes and Guilt

So, on Sunday a woman gave her testimony during church. And I feel quite sad...I feel like my problems are so stupid. This woman has a daughter who is 6 1/2; she was born with a smooth muscle disease. Her nerve cells cannot regenerate. Being around someone with a cold sends her to the ER. The fact that she is alive is a miracle. They gave her an NG tube to feed her, but after a while that didn't work; she was not getting the nutrition and was starving to death. It ended up that she had this really risky surgery. Thousands of people prayed for her, and the surgery ended up being successful. After hearing that, I was thinking, "Wow, God is SO amazing," and my heart was lifted up. But at the same time I felt really...I can't even put a word to the emotion.

The thing is, I had an NG tube. And it was because I refused to feed myself. This little girl had no choice. I became deathly thin because of choices I made, she, because of a medical illness. I feel as I have no excuse for all of this, and it just really pains me to think what her family went through. There was a lot of emotion in the congregation after the woman gave her testimony. I can't even imagine being a parent and not believing that your child is going to make it. Which leads to more guilt, what my family went through, and how they still worry about me.

Anyways, I talked with my doctor about it. She had some really good feedback. She asked me, "Did your having a feeding tube make her problems worse? Would she have not gotten sick if you didn't have an eating disorder?" It made me realize that this little girl's illness does not make mine unimportant or less valid. That is the case with everyone; nobody's problems make another person's any more or less valid.

The moral of the story is that I need to be thanking God for all of His wonders instead of focusing on my problems and beating myself up for my shortcomings. Which, ironically, was the topic of Sunday's sermon.