I'm just kind of tired of looking 'healthy' and 'normal'. Not to mention the wonderful, "You look so much healthier since you put on all that weight," comment I got from my aunt a couple weeks ago. IOP has been a big source of my focusing in on my weight, but I got discharged on Wednesday (YAY!!!).
I guess I do look 'better'. I still like the old pictures though. At least I am happier now. And I have progressed a lot in treatment. I have so much more to live for...I have a FUTURE. And losing x pounds is just going to make me lose all the wonderful things I have found with recovery. Amazing friendships and relationships, a deeper faith. Not to mention I have a personality now! Lol. I'm not some person just going through the motions. And although the ED sucks, it has made me a stronger person and actually has helped my relationship with my mom (yeah, I know, weird)...family therapy has helped us immensely.
P.S. Please let me know if this post really bothers you...if so, I will delete it ASAP.
P.S.S. - Kay commented with some awesome bible verses, so I wanted to include them, they really are powerful
1 Peter 4:1-2 "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through (he had to start eating again after a 40 day fast), learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings (twinges of painful longings for the 'old' ways) as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live our your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."
4 comments:
Ugh! I know and understand that twinge of pain when people tell me how much "better" I look with more weight. I have to remind myself that the reason it hurts to hear is because I have a wound in that area that is still in the healing process...it's not a signal for me to go back to reducing the numbers, it's a sign that I have more healing yet to be done. God's in control of that process, not me. Usually I just remind God that I'm still pretty warped in my thinking and need Him to exchange my disordered thoughts for His ordered ones.
I didn't start this comment to "preach" but...now that I have, I see that I must've needed a bit of a pep talk myself. One more thing for us both:
I think it's Colossians 3-in the Message version- that says, "All the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe are put together whole and holy In Christ"...praying THAT for us today! As we align our thoughts with Christ's thoughts (Phil. 2;mindset of a humble servant seeking God's glory), our disordered and broken parts will be restored into wholeness!
GRRR...preaching again!
:)
"Comparing leads to despairing" is Biblical too! Try Galatians 5:19-21...in the description of what kind of life we get from trying to be in control instead of God, Paul mentions, "the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival."
Think about that for a minute: DE-person...treating someone (even myself) like a NON-important, NON- Made in the image of God-person...as if I'm just a skeleton with varying amounts of flesh, instead of a Holy vessal for the Spirit of the Living God. Hmm...I think I need to think about that longer than a minute!
1 Peter 4:1-2 "Since Jesus went through everything you're going through (he had to start eating again after a 40 day fast), learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings (twinges of painful longings for the 'old' ways) as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live our your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."
Okay, I must stop now or you'll hate hearing from me! :) Can you tell Cassie is with my Mom this morning so I have extra computer time?!!?!
Haha, leave all the comments you want =) I love hearing from you, and I love the bible verses that you mentioned. And I love your pep talks!
those bible versus are awesome.
sometimes i still do this. but i look at this past year and how successful it's gone and how much smoother and i wouldn't trade that for the world.
yes, you look healthier. you don't look like a strong wind could break you in two anymore.
but more importantly, you DO look happier and stronger emotionally. and i think that's what people comment on when they say we look healthier.
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