This little rambling is a mix of insomnia and a response to a blog I read a few minutes ago. I always have a hard time figuring out the line between honest and triggering in my posts. The author of the post I read was talking about not being able to go to some blogs because they are too triggering. And of course the first thought that pops into my head is, "Is she talking about me?" Which come to think about it, is a pretty self-centered thought considering all the zillions of blogs she could possibly be refering to.
But it does really make me question my intentions when I am writing about something. I will admit, there have been times where I have been triggered by something and I feel the need to post something relating to weight or behavior to 'prove' the validity of my ED or something to that effect (mostly to myself). For the most part, I am able to catch myself and censor what I want to say so I still can voice how I am feeling without using upsetting language, etc (with a couple glaring exceptions).
All in all, it is a safety mechanism. I feel hurt and/or insecure; I feel flawed, etc. It's really hard to 'fix' all these emotions and thoughts and percieved defects, so I try and fix what seems to be much easier. I try and fix 'fat'.
As I have been typing this, one bible passage has really been popping up in my head. I
1 Corinthians 9:13 - "9Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? 11So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall."
It's an interesting thing for me to think about. I think it is important for me to feel that I can write freely in this blog and I know that by being open I am able to recieve meaningful feedback, but I also must realize that what I write may be a stumbling block for others. Like I said, it is hard to find the line between honest and triggering. I am going to work on praying to find that line so I do not cause others to stumble.
That is all. The End.
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2 comments:
I have never stumbled because of something you've said. Still, I understand the importance of working on that spiritually. Especially since God cares more about what's in our hearts than what we actually do, so your intentions and the state of your heart is something think prayerfully about in any case.
Love you and your blog.
<3
i had actually written a comment th eother day and it didn't save. :(
that entry is not referring to your diary. that entry refers to diaries that do nothing but talk about behaviors, that gripe about the unfairness of needing to be in the hospital when underweight, or the unfairness of rules, or how sick they are, or what their weights are.
you have this awareness that there is something beneath all fo the other stuff.
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