Jump

I screwed up. I'm admitting it. I don't like admitting it. Because of course I can handle this all by myself. And to admit I screwed up again will mean everyone will hate me, right? They'll give up on me, abandon me, lose all touch cept for a strained hey how are you thats great once or twice a year. Like so many others.

So yeah. I'm gonna try and challenge that. I hope.

But now, finally, I want to do something about it.

Right now I feel like the prodigal son. But I guess pride has kept me from going back to grace. And fear. Definitely fear.

I want to jump. But I'm so scared that He won't catch me. I know He will, He always does. But it doesn't make the fear go away.

I reached out though, and Jen challenged me. It was good to get her perspective. I was scared, but she didn't judge me. And I am definitely going to follow through with my challenge. =] Backtracking sucks, but somehow I know I will be so much stronger after this. I hope.