A More Beautiful You

I have heard this song so many times the past week...and every time it makes me cry. But then again, my emotions have been pretty off kilter lately so that's not saying much lol. Anyways, I think this might be one of my new favorites.

My favorite line is "He will take your dark distorted view and with His light He will show you truth and again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl."



"A More Beautiful You" - Jonny Diaz
Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

[Chorus]
There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

[chorus]

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl
[chorus]

Phobia

So I realize that I haven't posted anything in quite some time. It's been a mix of not knowing what to say, being worried about saying the wrong thing or sounding stupid, and lack of motivation/antisocial-ness. Mostly the latter one.

I have this strange phobia of checking email/facebook etc. I think it has a lot to do with a fear of rejection as weird as that sounds. I have this fear that if I check my email/facebook then there might be something awful there and if I reply to a wall post or message I'll say something dumb and the other person's reaction will be, "Wow, you suck at life. You are the most useless person and the biggest screw-up on the entire planet. I hate you."

Anyways, I will try to update a little more often lol. I also posted a few entries I saved as drafts (I never ended up posting them because I thought they were too personal). Maybe this can be my own mini-exposure exercise (The best treatment for phobias is to expose the person to the thing that they are afraid of, and that helps to lessen the fear response that is elicited).

Phobia - (from the Greek: φόβος, phóbos, fear or morbid fear)the sensation of extreme fear when it is not justified by the presence of any real danger or threat, or by any rational cause, and when it is accompanied by a systematic avoidance of the situations that lead to it. (http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro02/web3/mwhite.html)

At least I know that I am not completely crazy. There is research out there that there is brain evidence for phobias. [Researchers are] finding that the amygdala--a small, almond-shaped structure in the middle of the brain's temporal lobes--is a key player, and that malfunctions of the amygdala and associated brain structures may give rise to many phobias. Still, researchers have yet to work out the details of how this happens. (http://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug05/figuring.html)

The amygdala is one of the key players in emotion regulation, especially fear. So this information isn't totally surprising to me.